Dear Little Bald Bastard,
I heard you were in law school. How can you be that AND be such a slacker?
Thanks to secret alien time-travel technology, I was able to compete all three years of studying during one epic night on the toilet in 1963. Every Saturday night, I fire up the machine and pop back to pick up my completed assignments for the following week. This leaves my weeknights free for choking my liver with cheap vodka and posting angry screeds in random Livejournal communities.
Check out the "your Mom" answer, plus rants about public transit and Scientology in the feed at asklbb.